She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
me + whiskey = a bad person
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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