Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
