Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
