you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
