i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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