you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
