i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
