and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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