i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
