He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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