New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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