the day after is always just damage control
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
