DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
