Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
