The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
