im having a threesome with these popsicles
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
