Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
