By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
