Barsexuality is the new black.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
