so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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