He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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