you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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