Apparently you make a good broom.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
