Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
