I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You need Xanax blowdarts
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
