is your mom at the bar?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
