i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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