life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I understand Curling. That high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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