You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
