Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
