this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
