sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
