Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
