There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
