This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is the high leading the old right now
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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