Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
