you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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