We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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