There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just forgot I was standing up.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
