I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
