He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
