Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
