they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
