he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
