You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
