I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
