dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i think i just lost a toe
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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