i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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