My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so explain again why im purple
no
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
