I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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