my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
