Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
